netpsycho's Journal

8:12pm: What exactly have I done to deserve this from people I thought that we shared care for each other? Please someone tell me. Or am I wrong and they never cared about me in the first place and just use me for themselves?

9:24pm: Why the **** does this have to happen??
Why the **** does it? Someone explain to me?? WHY????
I mean like why the hell does life have to treat the people i care about like shit???!?! What the hell did they do to deserve what's happening to them??!?!?!!?!?
Why the hell do I feel like life's beating the crap out of me when it's my friends that are suffering??!?! I have no reason to feel this way, but still I feel like I'm pathetic and worthless FRAK SAKE!!!!! Maybe I am just a worthless person and my mind's just telling me this 'cause no one else will........maybe they want to protect me, but they shouldn't.......if i need to be told i'm worthless then they should.

I mean, my friends have genuinine reasons for feeling low and not liking themselves, but they shouldn't have to feel this!! THEY ARE GOOD AND DECENT HUMAN BEINGS DAMN YOU!!!!!! LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!!!! PICK ON SOME WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN RATHER THAN A NICE PERSON!!!!!

8:59pm: Why?
What the hell is going on? It seems like that fate is trying to seperate me from those I want to be with or stay in contact with. I mean it's like the worst time it can happen, since I feel like this is the time I need to be there with them. It's like their falling apart as soon as they're away from me. Hell, I'm probably not the person who can easily help someone, and it's not like they need me, that they fall apart without me, but I need to know that at least I'm with them.

And just to add salt to the wound, it seems fate wants to force me to be with those I hate.....GRRRAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGH!!!!!!!! Which celestial force did I step on the toes of??!

9:20pm: The little one thinks he's found the problem
OK, maybe I think I may know what's wrong with me. I'm alone. I don't mean I have no friends, I have a lot of very great friends (you know who you are, love you guys), but I have no one really close to me :(

It seems that all the girls I have/do fancy (save one, and that relationship didnt go to well, cos of me I feel) either don't have the same feelings for me (which I can't do anything about) or are in relationships which they are happy in, and I would never try to break up their relationship whoever they are, because it just aint right, and I would (and should) hate myself for doing it for myself.

I guess I'll just have to go around looking to meet new people.

8:03pm: Ah well this is just some song I came up with, thought I might share it with you guys *shrugs*

Pain Mirror

(I am your pain mirror)

You said I was your friend
But you won’t let me help you
You don’t know now that when you suffer
I hurt along side you

Chorus
You slap my hand away
As you fall into Oblivion
You tie my hands behind my back
As you slip into damnation

Every time you cut yourself
I do so ten time more
For every time you spill you blood
I wish to let mine pour

Chorus

But should you know?
That I have fallen so low?
Should I take your place?
So that you may return to grace?
Just stop it
Don’t do it
You killing for two
I’m hurting for two, as your pain mirror

Chorus

(I am your pain mirror, a mirror of pain)
Together we may slash
(I am your pain mirror, a mirror of pain)
But how long till I smash?

You slap my hand away (your pain mirror)
As you fall into Oblivion
You tie my hands behind my back (your pain mirror)
As you slip into damnation

Your mirror of pain………..

8:24pm: Noooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have exams this week! NOO!!!!!! *sobs* and couldn't get the Killswitch Engage tickets sold out!!! WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!



The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

8:49pm: Lol
And I already had this pic hehehehehe

You scored as Pissed at the World Cat. And here we have the next serial killer. Try having some cotton candy, it'll make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, Psycho. </td> Pissed at the World Cat 75% Ninja Cat 58% Couch Potato Cat 50% Derranged Cat 42% Drunk Cat 42% Love Machine Cat 42% Nerd Cat 0% Which Absurd Cat are you? created with QuizFarm.com

9:24pm: Just thought you should know......;)

You scored as Sloth. </td> Sloth 94% Wrath 81% Lust 50% Greed 38% Pride 38% Envy 31% Gluttony 13% Seven deadly sins created with QuizFarm.com

8:54pm: Ah well
Well so I got back to college today, suppose it wasn't as bad as it could have been a lot worse i suppose, and it was nice to see some people again (but then again not nice to see others). I figured out what i was fearing the most about returning to college.........EXAMS!!!!! Not even half a year after GCSE's and i'm doing more 'proper exams' (and to be honest i did shit in my GCSE's :'( )

I just really wanna meet up with mates this weekend (so Jet, Katie etc *hint, hint, wink, wink*) 'cause I can't stand to just be in either my house or the college hmmmmmmmmmmm

anyway quick note I'll probably be onl the net later rather than earlier now, now that my parents are forcing me to revise (EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!). I'VE NEVER REVISED IN MY LIFE!!!!!!! IT'S JUST NOT ME!!!

9:34pm: *Sobbing*
College sucks......it really does, why do we have to go through with it *continues sobbing*

That is all

8:35pm: A random moment
Anyone see the problem?

Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"

Atheist
You are Godless! You could care less about religion. As far as you're concerned, if you can't see, touch and kick something, it's not real to you. You're day-to-day activities consist of eating, working, sleeping and the occasional Internet or coffee shop debate. Lastly, if anyone chooses to preach at you otherwise, you will either leave or debate them until they finally shut up




Take the quiz: "Who would you be in the War of Armageddon?"

Heaven's Army
You'd be best fit to fight for Heaven's Army. You tend to be a do-gooder. But you're rigid in your beliefs and things that are ingrained in your head stay there. You're not easy to argue with because you don't sacrifice your beliefs easily, this can be either good or bad depending on what kind of situation you're in. You defend the good with an iron fist and a strong will. You do not back down, even if it means your own destruction. It's in your nature. You will directly battle the forces of evil in the last days, be ready

Suggestions as to what the problem is?

5:59pm: So, a new year hmmmmm
It's 2005.....so la de da de da, don't seem that different from 2004 so far.
Ever tried texting near midnight on new year's eve? Well don't basically, no point (damn phone company decided to charge me for some of my failed messages ($^""*$^"*"*&*£!!!)). Doesn't feel right to text people day after but hey, apparently it's ok.

Oh yeah one reply i got.....i felt touched after reading it (in the clean way.....dirty pervs ;)), so I thought I'd share it
"Happy New Year enjoy it all u can, live for the moment n may all ur dreams come true xXx"
Thanks again for that, that made my day :)




Oh yeah here's a quiz result for you quiz nutters

Take the quiz: "What dragon species are you? (Stunning pics)"

Shadow Dragon
Dark, evil, you are the evil breed of dragon. You lurk within the shadows of the night and attack with surprise. You prefer to stay alone, solitude is your best friend within your deep, dark cave or den.


Not encouraging to know is it? :S This is one reason I don't trust internet quizzes

10:11pm: Bit bored
........ and this quiz seemed good enough, always handy to have a mate who's done it already hehehehe (yeah, me lazy, deal) ............ ok that seemed snipey .......... *shifts about guiltily* ..... go on read it, while I run away......wwweeeeeeeeeeeee (runs to horizon)

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
My life seemed to actually begin in 2004 :S

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
A what?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully no

5. What countries did you visit?
Damien stayed in his own country, especially after those complaints from the U.N ;)

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
Money, freedom, more time with my friends

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
None to be honest

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Nothing really 

9. What was your biggest failure?
Nothing which I want to remember

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just ear problems, lucky really

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Ooooh to many things

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
KATIE and her NOT "Just juice" *raise glass to her*

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Marco and his endless list of behaviours which make people want to throttle him (nothing dirty, you gutter brains ;))

14. Where did most of your money go?
Meeting up with people but hey its worth it

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Meetin people

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Fear Factory-Archetype
Machine Head-Imperium

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sad but fulfilled (ok that don’t make sense but hey, its me)
b) thinner or fatter? Managed to stay same
c) richer or poorer? Richer in some ways

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Seeing my friends, and staying dedicated to things I start

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Taking some people’s bull****

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my family, which was good, but I wanted to be with my friends to 

21. Did you fall in love in 2004?
Yes, but it didn’t last 

22. How many one-night stands?
HA! As if

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Battlestar Galatica remake (ok shoot me I’m a geek so what?)

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yes, some of which I didn’t even know last year

25. What was the best book(s) you read?
Caves of Ice

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Fear Factory, Machine Head, Killswitch Engage, Arch Enemy and KoRn

27. What did you want and get?
Eh?

28. What did you want and not get?
Don’t get me started

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Can’t remember hmmmmmmmm me must be amnesic

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Can’t remember and 16

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Would say but I may corrupt the minds of little ones (*evil cackle*)

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
It became better………why? Cause I have one!

33. What kept you sane?
Ummmmmmm………………………………

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Amy Lee

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Iraq

36. Who did you miss?
Alex, Annie, Andrea and my mistress

37. Who was the best new people you met?
Louise, Andrea, Annie, Jet, Dan, Alla, Erd, Katie, Krishma, Adrian, and many others

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
Listen to that voice in the back of your head, you never know it may be right

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
“Seek me for comfort, call me for solice, I’ll be waiting for the end of my broken heart” (Killswitch Engage)…………ok I don’t think it does but it’s the best I can do ok? (not being snippy honest)

9:31pm: Well um.........hey there
Well um.....ok let's actually type something rather than stuttering......
Ok well, hope everyone has a Happy New year and enjoys whatever parties/celebrations you guys are going to (I wanna go with people to celebrate *sob*)

well if you decided to read that quiz I wasted my time on, please don't take all the answers seriously, mainly cos I was a bit stupid trying to understand them

.......so um, see you guys in the new year soon....hopefully

10:48pm:

Really Long Survey (over 200)
Created by starsbleed2nite and taken 57329 times on bzoink!
What is your name?	Damien
Are you named after anyone?	No
What's your screename?	SilentPsycho
Would you name a child of yours after you?	No
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?	Miranda
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?	Jet
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?	Yes
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?	No
Basics
Your gender:	Male
Straight/Gay/Bi:	Straight
Single?	Yes
If not, do you want to be?	No
Birthdate:	26/07/1988
Your age:	16
Age you act:	16
Age you wish you were:	18
Your height:	6"
Eye color:	Blue
Happy with it?	Yeah
Hair color:	Ginger/dark brown
Happy with it?	yeah
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:	righty
Your living arrangement:	Single
Your family:	Father,mother, sister
Have any pets?	Yes
Whats your job?	Student
Piercings?	None
Tattoos?	None
Obsessions?	None
Addictions?	Coke
Do you speak another language?	Not really
Have a favorite quote?	If at first you don't succeed, pull the pin and run
Do you have a webpage?	No
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?	Kinda
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?	Kinda
Do you have any secrets?	Yes
Do you hate yourself?	Sometimes
Do you like your handwriting?	No
Do you have any bad habits?	I'm lazy
What is the compliment you get from most people?	Don't know
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?	There's a movie about me?
What's your biggest fear?	Dying without having served a purpose
Can you sing?	No
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?	No
Are you a loner?	Kinda
What are your #1 priorities in life?	Those closest to me
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?	Yes
Are you a daredevil?	No
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?	Yeah
Are you passive or agressive?	Bit of both
Do you have a journal?	No
What is your greatest strength and weakness?	Strength:Steadfast Weakness:Uncertain
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?	My confidence
Do you think you are emotionally strong?	Kinda
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?	Yes
Do you think life has been good so far?	Could be better could be worse
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?	You can't care for everyone
What do you like the most about your body?	Not being overweight
And least?	Physically out of shape
Do you think you are good looking?	Not particularly
Are you confident?	Not really
What is the fictional character you are most like?	Ciaphas Cain
Are you perceived wrongly?	Depends
Do You...
Smoke?	No
Do drugs?	No
Read the newspaper?	yes
Pray?	no
Go to church?	no
Talk to strangers who IM you?	no
Sleep with stuffed animals?	no
Take walks in the rain?	sometimes
Talk to people even though you hate them?	if i have to
Drive?	no
Like to drive fast?	wouldn't know
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?	No
Hurt yourself?	Yes
Been out of the country?	yes
Eaten something that made other people sick?	doubt it
Been in love?	yes
Done drugs?	no
Gone skinny dipping?	no
Had a medical emergency?	no
Had surgery?	no
Ran away from home?	no
Played strip poker?	no
Gotten beaten up?	yes
Beaten someone up?	no
Been picked on?	no
Been on stage?	yws
Slept outdoors?	yes
Thought about suicide?	yes
Pulled an all nighter?	no
If yes, what is your record?	n/a
Gone one day without food?	no
Talked on the phone all night?	no
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?	no
Slept all day?	yes
Killed someone?	no
Made out with a stranger?	no
Had sex with a stranger?	no
Thought you're going crazy?	yes
Kissed the same sex?	no
Done anything sexual with the same sex?	no
Been betrayed?	yes
Had a dream that came true?	yes
Broken the law?	maybe
Met a famous person?	no
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?	no
On purpose?	yes
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?	no
Stolen anything?	no
Been on radio/tv?	not to my knowledge
Been in a mosh-pit?	no
Had a nervous breakdown?	possibly
Bungee jumped?	no
Had a dream that kept coming back?	yes
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?	yes
Miracles?	no
Astrology?	no
Magic?	no
God?	no
Satan?	no
Santa?	no
Ghosts?	it's possilbe
Luck?	yes
Love at first sight?	possibly
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?	yes
Witches?	yes
Easter bunny?	no
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?	it could happen
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?	no
Do you wish on stars?	no
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?	no
Do you think God has a gender?	it doesn't exist
Do you believe in organized religion?	no
Where do you think we go when we die?	we die that's it
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?	yes
Who is your best friend?	No friend ranks above the others
Who's the one person that knows most about you?	Not one person
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?	Don't know
Your favourite inside joke?	Eh?
Thing you're picked on most about?	Used to be spots
Who's your longest known friend?	Alex
Newest?	Jet
Shyest?	Don't know
Funniest?	Alex
Sweetest?	Andrea
Closest?	Don't know
Weirdest?	Damon
Smartest?	Damon
Ditziest?	Don't know
Friends you miss being close to the most?	Andrea
Last person you talked to online?	Katie
Who do you talk to most online?	Don't know
Who are you on the phone with most?	Don't know
Who do you trust most?	Andrea
Who listens to your problems?	Annie/Andrea
Who do you fight most with?	Marco
Who's the nicest?	Don't know
Who's the most outgoing?	Andrea/Damon
Who's the best singer?	Don't know
Who's on your shit-list?	Marco
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?	yes
Who's your second family?	Eh?
Do you always feel understood?	No
Who's the loudest friend?	Damon
Do you trust others easily?	Depends
Who's house were you last at?	Annie
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:	Annie
Do your friends know you?	Kinda
Friend that lives farthest away:	Annie
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?	No
What do you find romantic?	Don't know
Turn-on?	Don't know
Turn-off?	Don't know
First kiss?	What you mean?
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?	Flattered
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going	Yes
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out	Yes
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv	Eh?
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?	Some of them
What is best about the opposite sex?	Breasts!
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?	Periods/PMS
What's the last present someone gave you?	Sarah
Are you in love?	No :(
Do you consider your significant other hot?	Don't have one :(
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?	Don't know
You wanted to kill?	Marco
That you laughed at?	Marco
That laughed at you?	How would I know?
That turned you on?	Andrea
You went shopping with?	Alex
That broke your heart?	Annie
To disappoint you?	Don't know
To ask you out?	Annie
To make you cry?	Don't know
To brighten up your day?	Katie
That you thought about?	Jet
You saw a movie with?	Annie
You talked to on the phone?	Damon
You talked to through IM/ICQ?	Louise
You saw?	Erd
You lost?	Don't know
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?	No
Will it be with your significant other?	No
Or some random person?	No
What are you wearing right now?	t shirt and jeans
Body part you're touching right now:	none
What are you worried about right now?	this quiz
What book are you reading?	Grumpy old men
What's on your mousepad?	A mouse
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:	Down, lonely
Are you bored?	Yes
Are you tired?	Yes
Are you talking to anyone online?	Yes
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?	No
Are you lonely or content?	Lonely
Are you listening to music?	Yes
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